The Narcoleptic's Guide to Motherhood

“Nap when the baby naps.”

That is my father’s advice to new mothers. He got this advice from his mother. She had 15 kids, so let just say, she knew what she is talking about. Even the non-narcoleptic moms need to take a rest any chance they get, but they don’t. Moms run around like maniacs trying to do everything else (all non baby related chores) so that they can focus on their baby when they are awake.

Okay, ladies, but here is the truth. You can’t do all your stuff in the span of your baby’s nap: First, because there is always too much to do. (even if you got everything on your list done, you know you would come up with more) Second, you do know that a newborn naps for about 2 hours, then the naps get shorter and shorter. And third, if you spend ALL the down time working and ALL the up time playing, you will use ALL of you up. Fast.

I am now trapped in the mother-limbo between ‘I don’t take naps’ and ‘all day kindergarten’. This is a very long period of time for any mom, but as a narcoleptic it is something that should be covered under the Geneva Convention. My naps are now comprised of 30 minutes of lying down, punctuated by very important questions from my son. These questions are usually delivery at decibels restricted by OSHA, from a distance less than my focal point, and very, very often.

There is nothing like a loud toddler at less than 3 centimeters to blast you out of dreamland.

posted by yawningdog @ 7:50 AM